- and I'd experienced quite some stuff in my time, and
that's no lie. Soon, I was 'using' on a frequent, regular
basis. And then, on what even some other users might say was a far
basis.Within a very short time, I had to admit, I was well
and truly hooked.
dealer was on speed-dial.
My dealer became my very best
Then one day, it seemed quite out of the blue, “Very
Best-friend “made me an offer I couldn't refuse.
introduction her own
And in what seemed little more than an eye's blink,
I was part of the organisation, part of the 'line' (as they called
it), a little link in a very strong chain; cautiously passing the
product, doing my own deals; sharing the 'sweet sensation' where-ever
I could find anyone willing to partake...
time, I proved my dedication (in various ways I won't go into here)
to the 'line'.
I worked hard, and played hard – well, like all
the other dealers of this particular drug I knew back then, I was
also one of my own best customers: I had (and I reckoned, probably
always would have) my own insatiable habit to feed.
I reached a point where I was able to set up on my own as an
Unlike many of my competitors, I didn't
go for that whole “bigger is better” philosophy, running a stable
of as many dealers as you could set up.
Instead, I sought a
few people I could really trust; ran a really tight crew, who knew
how to keep themselves way under the radar, knew how to keep
The years rolled slowly by.
Well, no, that's
not quite right.
From where I'm looking now, it seems they
suddenly its almost two decades
since I first heard mention of my particular “drug of choice”,
and it hits me – no, not the drug – but the Lightning Flash of
“What have I been doing with my life! All the
wasted years! My terrible addiction.”
and perhaps worse:
those poor innocent people I've lured into the clutches of this demon
I've gotta get out; gotta make a change – right now.
so I did it.
Perhaps it was the hardest thing I ever
simply walked away.
lines of supply, the dealers, the users. All of it. I cut off all
contact with them all.
And my own habit – well, I was
never one for easy options.
There was only one way to go:
“Cold Turkey” - kill or cure.
say “Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger” Well, maybe,
just maybe, 'they' don't know what the heck they're talking about.
“Cold Turkey” - kill or cure
I survived. But as for being
I was holding it together, some days better than
others. Some days - I don't recall at all.
And every now and
then, my resolve, my will power was sorely tested.
I had kept
well away from all my old haunts, no longer hung out with the folks I
knew from my “drug of choice” days; but from time to time I'd see
an old familiar face...
hear a little bit of grapevine-news...
Or someone - maybe
someone I didn't even know, would get in touch, wanting my help to
make a 'connection'
Or there'd be someone wanting advice about
some new strain – some new 'brand' of product they'd just heard
Or maybe someone wanting to know the best way to use the
product in order to get a particular kind of effect...
worse, someone would call, inviting me over to share some product
with them and their friends...
And so it went. On and on.
many times, I came that
close to using, but thankfully, something always managed to pull me
back from the bring at the last moment...
Then came the
inevitable day, when I “Fell off the Wagon” - Fell from Grace.
details – the whys, and wherefores, and excuses - are all
I gave in to Temptation.
one little fix...
a blur of unremembered days, weeks.
so, here I am several weeks later.
The old church hall is quiet.
Eight chairs arranged in a wide circle, each of the other chairs
filled with another lost soul like me.
now its my turn.
And I stand up.
Nervously, I wipe the side
of my face with the heel of my hand, for no good reason.
looking round at these people – some looking back attentively, some
blankly, some lost in a world of their own.
my throat, I can barely get the words out, but I know I have to:
everyone,” I begin.
“ My name's James, and I'm a Reiki
Addict. Its been three days since I last 'used'...”
* * * * * *
of some 'Drug of choice'-related terms and their meanings:
of choice / Product = Reiki
= Reiki Treatment
Receiving Reiki Treatments
= Reiki Lineage
New Strain / Brand of Product = Reiki Style
no disrespect to anyone coping with issues of real
Addiction / Dependency]